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MTV Press | ISBN | File Type: PDF, pages | File size: a spot on the cheerleading squad and her first true love Then cruelly. My Teenage Dream Ended book. Read reviews from the world's largest community for readers. At sixteen, she had everything a young girl could want: pop. my teenage dream ended farrah abraham pdf - read online now my teenage dream ended farrah abraham ebook pdf at our library. get my teenage dream.
Derek took my hand. Can we please try having sex? I promise it will be special. This is our first prom togetherPlease. I just looked at him. Derek wheedled. It can be my birthday present. When I didnt say anything, he changed tactics. He started making out with me and going below the belt with his hands. He was fighting dirty. My body felt amazing and he was turning me on by doing this thing with his tongue in my ear.
Then he whispered, Lets just try it and Ill stop if it hurts you. In the end it wasnt the pressure from his friends or even from him. I was just so turned on that I totally caved.
Okay, I said. But lets not do it in my bed, lets go to the front bedroom. My bed is too small. It was a twin and I thought it would be better if we had more room. So we went to the front guest bedroom. I had only a shirt on and Derek was naked. He lay down and said, Get on top. I assumed the position and tried to go for it, but it felt like I was stuck on a branch.
It hurt so much. I tried easing myself down more slowly, but that didnt work either. Derek was huge and this was my first time. He encouraged me to keep trying and I did, but it just wasnt happening. We tried it with him on top, but it still hurt. I wasnt prepared for this much pain at two AM.
We tried a few other random positions, but enough was enough. I just wasnt ready. Derek finally spoke up. Are you okay babe? If its hurting too bad, well stop. I want you to enjoy it, too. I spoke up quickly, through my pain, Yeah, we need to be done. I was a little embarrassed because I was sure this wasnt exactly the hot after-prom sex Derek had envisioned, but at least we had tried.
We stopped and went back to my bedroom. He kissed me as we were falling asleep and said, Im happy we tried it. I said I was, too, but really I was freaking out. I had all these thoughts racing through my head as I drifted off: I just had sex I just had sex in my houseI just had sex and it was nothing like what I thought it would be likeDerek better not break up with me now that weve had sexDerek better not tell anyone we had sexI need to get Derek out of the house before my parents wake up and find out we had sexOh my God, I just had SEX!
When we woke up a few hours later, my first thought was that I wasnt a virgin anymore. It felt like I now had a huge secret to hide. I snuck Derek out through the front door it was easier for him to go out that way because no one in my family ever used the front door and then my parents woke up. I tried to act like nothing big had happened the night before.
I told them all about promthe dinner, the pictures, the dancingand they were happy for me. All they asked was what time I got home. I told them I got home early because of the rain, which was actually the truth. I was relieved they werent more suspicious, but a little surprised, too. I was convinced anyone could read my face and know that I had had sex.
Its funny how something can happen that makes you feel completely different, but the change happens on the inside so no one else can see it. I gave him presents and we hung out the whole day. We went out to dinner and a movie, and then I snuck him back to my house and we had sex again. It went much smoother this time. School started up again on Monday.
Since, Derek and I went to different high schools, none of my friends had been at his prom. All my girlfriends were asking to see pictures and wanted to know what had happened at the end of the night.
They all asked, So, did you have sex with Derek? I didnt tell the truth. I couldnt. I just said no to everyone because I was terrified someone would tell my parents. Immediately after school I called Derek to make sure he hadnt told anyone that we had had sex. He said he hadnt, but that all the guys had been asking him about it.
My friends must have sensed I was lying, because they kept asking me if I had slept with Derek. They would not let it drop. Eventually, they wore me down and I gave up and told them the truth.
Derek must have told his friends, too, because by the time we went out to a party the following weekend, everyone knew. They pretended that they didnt, but I could tell by the way people were asking that they already knew the answer. Derek gave himself away, too, because around me he acted like the respectful boyfriend, but around his friends he was acting like The Man, all cocky and grinning from ear to ear. After our less than ideal introduction on prom night, the next time I met Dereks parents was a couple of weeks later when he invited me to his sisters graduation party at his house.
I remember it being a little awkward and that I didnt feel totally comfortable. I didnt want Derek to feel bad so I brushed it off and we just did our own thing at the party. We mostly hung out with his uncle and grandma, who were very welcoming and friendly to me. We sat, eating and joking around, at our own table. I was talking to Dereks grandmother about not having enough boobs to fill out my prom dress because earlier she had commented that we looked great in our prom picture. Suddenly Derek said, Then we should have a baby.
That would make your boobs bigger. I laughed like it was a joke, but inside I was like, Hes thinking about us having children together?
I started thinking that marriage and a family might be a possibility for our future. Meanwhile, though, Derek told me that his mom wasnt happy with us dating. I dont know if that was true, but I tried my best to act like everything was normal between his parents and me.
Sometimes, when I called his home or even his cell phone, his mom would answer. I got the feeling that she didnt like me very much. After a while, it got so awkward that I just gave up calling Derek.
I decided that if he wanted to speak to me, he would have to call me. I couldnt wait. Plus, school would be over soon and then Derek and I could spend all summer together. I was looking forward to us having more time to be together. The night before my birthday, Derek and I went out. Later, I snuck him into my house to spend the night. We had sex by now it didnt hurt anymore and we were getting pretty good at it and then he left early in the morning, before my parents woke up.
Then I had to hurry and get ready to go out with my family for my birthday.
We were going out for brunch and then going to the zoo in the afternoon. When I came back home from brunch, before the zoo, I found a big vase filled with beautiful red roses in my room on top of the TV and a note that said, Happy Birthday!
Love, Derek. At first I was freaked out because I didnt know how the roses got there. Then I figured out that Derek must have left the front door unlocked when he left in the morning and then come back and put them in my room. I was impressed that he had come up with such a crafty plan and decided it was the most romantic gift I had ever received from a guy.
Later, after the zoo, while I was getting ready to go out to dinner and a party with my girlfriends, I called Derek to invite him to join us. Thats when the fighting began. Derek flew off the handle because he wanted to take me to dinner alone.
He threw a jealous fit and said he wasnt coming to dinner. He told me to just call him afterward and hung up on me. I tried to shrug off the fight and went downtown with my girlfriends.
I had a great time, but I wanted to spend my birthday with Derek, too.
I tried to call him when we were done with dinner, but he wouldnt pick up his phone. I figured he was still pissed off, so the girls and I went to a couple of places to hang out, and then I dropped some of them off. By that point it was getting kind of late and I wanted to hook up with Derek, so I texted one of his best friends, who was having a party at his house.
I figured Derek was probably there and decided to head over there with my girlfriends. By the time we got there the party was winding down. There werent that many people left and beer was the main beverage which we didnt drink , so my girlfriends and I were ready to bail.
Then I found Derek. He was with some random girl who was sitting on his lap. I had run into a bunch of his guy friends who were roaming around the party, but they hadnt even tried to stop me from walking in on Derek. My instinct was to blame the girl and think she had pushed herself on Derek I dont know if that was the case here or not , but he didnt even say hi to me or try to cover up what he had done. I was speechless. I wouldnt have known what to do if my girls hadnt been there with me.
I was so angry I just froze. I could have stood there and stared in shock for the rest of the night. I was furious, but I figured we would talk about it and then he would apologize. I knew he was mad about my birthday and just trying to get back at me, but when I tried to talk to him he wouldnt leave his friends so we could talk alone. I couldnt believe how Derek was treating meon my birthday! After everything I had done for him. I had been there for him on his birthday, and this was what I was getting in return?
My friends and I left because I couldnt take Derek being mean to me anymore. All I could think on the way home was, I cant believe I had sex with someone like that.
I tried to call him the next day, but he didnt pick up. When I finally talked to him the day after, he told me that he had decided that he didnt want to date during the summer. Im not going to lie: I was devastated.
But I didnt want him to know how much he had hurt me. So I swallowed how crushed I was and responded, Okay. Thats fine. Talk to you at the end of the summer. I was heartbroken, but I was also furious. How could Derek treat me like that? I wanted to do something to get back at him. I wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt me.
It was going to be a very interesting summer. I wanted Derek to hear about me every weekend, every day, all the time. I wanted him to call me in the worst way. I wanted him to tell me that he had made a mistake. That he still needed me and wanted us to start dating again. Only he didnt call. So I would call himfor sex. Strictly sex.
I acted like I didnt care about him in any other way. I was partying every night now. If my parents wanted me to stay home, I snuck out. I snuck Derek into my house, too, when he showed up for my booty call. But the booty calls werent enough. I wanted to be on Dereks mind even when he didnt want me to be.
I wasnt letting anything get in the way of my goal. I would party all the time and flirt with all the guys I met, hoping Derek was hearing all about it. At the time it seemed almost like a game, but in reality I was a little out of control. Normally, I never went out of my way to flirt with guys, but now I was flirting with a vengeance.
I wanted to make the gossip headlines to be sure that Derek heard about me. The partying was getting to the point of distraction. I was out late at night so much, I started sleeping during the day. I felt like an owl. Then, one night, I went a little too far. The flirting turned into making out, which almost turned into something else.
This gossip headline did make it all the way to Derek, which I loved, but I also scared myself a little. It was at a bonfire party. During the summer, lots of our friends would have bonfire parties out in the country. They were the hype of our summersthe smoky, woodsy smell, the crush of people all thronged intimately around the fire, being out in the open air and the feeling of freedom it gave you.
They were always fun, and this one was especially funthough, in the end, maybe too much fun. I went with some girlfriends.
We drove twenty minutes down a gravel road, the music up, singing like we were pop stars, texting fifty people at one time, hoping we didnt hit a deer. We got there and parked the car in the huge line up of other cars, popped the caps of our UV blues and pinks, and downed them until we were tipsy.
We ran through the high grass, smelled the smoke of the bonfire, saw the fiery light from the flames and the shadows of people leaning against the trees. Now that we were there, it was as if the party had finally gotten started. We took overflirting with the foreign exchange boys there for the summer, watching the guys compete over who could hop over the flames and not get burned, smoking weed in beer-can bongs, peeing in the grass and hang- drying, making out with whomever in the woods or in cars.
I drank way too much, so much that I had blurred double vision. I found myself in a truck, making out with some boy and calling him Derek. He was going below the belt and I started yelling, Lets have sex! A friend came over and grabbed me out of the truck. You idiot! Thats not Derek! Come on, were leaving! I was so drunk I couldnt walk, so she had some boys carry me up the hill through the tall grass.
I dont even remember getting home that night. I laughed. Oh my God! I cant believe I thought he was Derek. I honestly dont even remember what the guy looks like. Then she asked, Well, do you want to meet him? He wants to hang out with you. I had nothing to lose. Derek wasnt calling me. So I thought, Why not? After all, Derek was acting like he wasnt interested and this guy definitely was into me. Plus, it was a chance to make Derek jealous.
So I met up with Bonfire Guy. He was nice enough, and I could tell he was very into me, but the whole time I was with him I couldnt stop thinking about how he wasnt Derek. I just wanted Derek. So I decided to take a huge gamble to win him back. I hadnt talked to Derek in over a week, but I took a deep breath and called to ask him to come over so we could talk. I was actually a little embarrassed and ashamed of what I was going to do.
I was planning to tell him about this other guy to make him jealous. I rationalized that it would show him how much I liked him, but also that I didnt care about him when I went out and had fun. Looking back, I can see how ridiculous my plan was, but at the time I was stuck. I wanted Derek back and I didnt know what else to do. In the end, it went down like this: It was a perfect summer afternoon and I was waiting outside on my front porch.
Derek drove up and parked right outside our gate. I was nervous but so happy to see him. As Derek opened the gate, I said, Hi. He looked me over, playing it very cool. Soyou wanted to tell me something? At this point in our relationship or non-relationship I could tell he wore the pants high and proud, and I was tired of him acting like it.
I wanted to shake him up a little. I took a deep breath and plunged right in, saying everything all in a rush. So the other night, I went out with the girls. I drank too much and ended up making out with some boy. I barely even remember what he looks like, so it really doesnt matter, but I wanted to tell you so I wouldnt be hiding anything from you.
I paused to catch my breath and then added, I understand if you dont want to talk to me anymore, but at least I told you. When I was done, Derek was quiet. He didnt even look at me. The silence ate at me and I realized that maybe I had truly messed up. I looked down at the ground and stayed like that, not saying anything more. I had rolled the dice and come up a loser. I heard Derek say, I gotta go.
I didnt look up. Bye, I said almost to myself. In my mind, it had been a straight shot from we are so perfect and cute to he doesnt care about me at all. I felt like a month ago we had been so happy and in love and now here he was walking away. I couldnt believe it was ending like this. I felt so stupid.
I looked up in time to see him shut the gate.
Then I turned and fixed my eyes on my house so I wouldnt have to see him leave. I would just hear his car start up and then I would know that he was leaving. But I didnt hear the car start. Instead, I heard Dereks footsteps as he came back up on the porch with a big smile on his face.
I looked up at him and he said, I like you too much to stop seeing you. But dont do it again! I smiled back at him and we hugged each other close for a long time and then he had to leave to go to work. I was thrilled that Derek had finally admitted how much he liked me. Gradually, we fell back into being boyfriend and girlfriend again. We started doing everything as a couple again, like I had been wanting, and he shared everything with meor so it seemed at the time.
But something had definitely changed. The trust between us had been damaged and we could never quite get back to the way we had been. Partly, it was that I needed to let him know why I had kissed someone else. I wanted to talk about everything that had happened between us. But somehow the time never seemed right to talk about it, so it all went unsaid. I still thought about it, though. Inside, I knew it had happened because Derek had not really been my boyfriend and that had hurt.
I had lost control at the bonfire party because I had wanted Derek to be there with me, as my boyfriend, the way it used to be. Instead, he had been at some other party, doing his own thing. Derek never told me if he had kissed anyone else or if he was flirting with someone else that night, or that summer for that matter, and I never asked.
Still, even though important things went unsaid, I was happy that we were seeing each other again for more than just booty calls, so I concentrated on that.
Despite what he had said earlier, Derek had discovered that he couldnt live without me. Meanwhile, Bonfire Guy apparently hadnt been as drunk that night as I had been. He kept pestering my girlfriends, asking to hang out with me. One day his crew of guys showed up where I was hanging out with my girlfriends and we met again. After that, they kept showing up until we finally agreed to start hanging out with them.
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